The yaoicentric book of jokes
by Manflesh
Summary: I like jokes but can't help but think of how much better they would be if the Naruto characters were in those situations. I don't claim to own the jokes or Naruto. Mostly SasuNaru and some straight pairings. Rated M for some dirty jokes.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So yeah...just read it. Sorry to all of you who want me to update 'the gayest scheme ever'. I've got major writers block. I just can't seem to think of what to make happen next. I'm truly, truly sorry.

Disclaimer: I don't own these jokes or Naruto.

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**Don't touch those, Jiraiya!**

It'd been many years since Jiraiya finally married Tsunade, and soon his old age put him in his deathbed. He only had days to live.

One day he was laying in bed when a wonderful smell came from downstairs. With as much energy as he could muster, he slowly dagged him self downstairs and into the kitchen. There, on the table, was a huge plate of chocolate cookies.

Jiraiya licked his lips and reached for them, but Tsunade walked in and smaked his hand away.

"Don't touch those!" She said. "They're for the funeral!"

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**Sasuke wants to know...**

Sasuke: If I give up sake, dangerous missions, and vigirous sex with Naruto each night, will I live longer?

Sakura: No it'll just seem longer.

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**Blond joke # 1**

Naruto and Sasuke decided to go skydiving one day. Sasuke jumped out first, but he didn't realize his parachute was broken.

He pulled on the string and nothing happened. Naruto watched him for a few moments before jumping out and screaming, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?!"

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**Sending his dobe to heaven**

Naruto: Hey Sasuke, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?

Sasuke: Your legs.

Naruto: Why do you say that?

Sasuke: Because you always have yours in the air screaming ''oh god! I'm coming!"

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**Dead birdie**

Sasuke and Naruto are walking along the beach when Sasuke spots a dead bird. "Naruto, look at the dead birdie!"

"Where?!" Naruto looked up at the sky.

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**Itachi's warning**

Sasuke's in the bathtub playing with himself when Itachi walks in on him. "Sasuke, if you don't stop that' you'll go blind." He said.

"Itachi, I'm over here." Sasuke said.

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A/N: Well, that's it for this chapter. Tell me what you think and if I should continue. Tell me which joke is your favorite!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So here's chapter two! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own these jokes or Naruto...except in my wildest dreams.

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**Are you even listening?!**

What Naruto says: Sasuke! Our room is a mess! All your clothes are one the floor. You'll have no clothes left if you don't do laundry. Clean it up right now!

What Sasuke hears: Blah, blah...ON THE FLOOR...blah, blah...NO CLOTHES...blah, blah...RIGHT NOW!!!

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**May I have this dance?**

Naruto and Sasuke had been dating for almost a year when they finally got married. During the wedding dance, Gaara, the best man, asked Naruto to dance. So they danced...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the forth song came on Sasuke ran up and kicked Naruto between the legs. A riot broke out, and everyone went home.

A week later, Kakashi gathered them up and asked them what happened.

"We were just dancing, and Sasuke ran up and kicked Naruto between the legs." Gaara said.

"That must've hurt." Kakashi said.

"No kidding." Gaara said. "He broke three of my fingers!"

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**Cleaning service**

A few days after team seven had to clean up Kakashi's house, they met up at the training grounds to hang out.

"You know," Naruto said. "I cleaned under Kakashi's bed and found a bunch of porn magazines. I threw them away."

"I cleaned his bathroom and found condoms in the medicine cabinet." Sasuke said. "I poked holes in all of them."

"Oh crap." Sakura said.

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**Hospital treatment**

After getting hurt on a mission, Naruto ended up in a coma. Sasuke went to visit him regularly. Just as he was getting up to leave he slipped and his hand brushed against the blond's privates. Naruto sighed.

Sasuke ran out the room where Sakura was. "I just touched Naruto's penis accidentally, and he sighed!" He said.

"Hmmm..." Sakura said. "Try stroking him to see if you a more reactions." So Sasuke went back into the room and came out a few moments later.

"He moaned!"

"Try oral sex." Sakura said. "It might just wake him up." So Sasuke went back in and came out a few minutes later looking extremely emo.

"He...he died." He said.

"Oh no!" Sakura cried. "What happened?!"

"I tried oral sex...and he choked."

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A/N: Well that's all I can do for this chapter because my I'm leaving and I won't be back to be able to update for a while. Sorry...

Anyhoo...tell me what you think. I'm always interste in hearing all of your favorite jokes!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello hello!! It always makes me happy to update for all you readers out there! Anyway, here's chapter three!

Disclaimer: I don't own these jokes or Naruto. Oh well...

Warning: most of these jokes have talk of yaoi and sexual content in them! Don't like don't read.

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**Voodoo dildo**

One day Sasuke was assigned a month long mission to Sune, but he didn't want to leave Naruto at home for fear that the blond would become lonely and seek intimacy with some one else, so on his way home he stopped by an erotic store on the way home.

"I need something that'll keep even the most energetic person busy." He said to the little old man behind the counter. "Show me your best sex toys."

The old man rubbed his chin thoughtfully before taking a box out from under the counter "Perhaps this will keep your lover satisfied." He said, opening the box to reveal a very plain looking dildo.

"I don't see what's so special about it." Sasuke said.

"This is no ordinary dildo." The man said myseriuosly. "This is a voodoo dildo. It obeys all commands given to it. Allow me to demonstrate. Voodoo dildo, the door!"

The dildo immediately rose up out of it's box and shot for the door, where it began hammering away at the keyhole. After the wood started to splinter and crack the man yelled, "Voodoo dildo, back in your box!" The magic sex toy flew back into it's box and once again lay still."

"Sasuke was amazed. "I'll take it." He said. "I'll give you 50 dollars cash for it."

The old man thought for awhile before finally giving in and selling it.

Later at Naruto's apartment Sasuke gave him the voodoo dildo and told him how to use it and after that left for his mission. A few days after that Naruto started to fell sexually fustated.

"Oh, what the heck. It's worth a try." He said that night, opening up the box and taking a deep breath. "Voodoo dildo, my ass!" Immediatly it rose up out of it's box and began thrusting away at the blond's tight hole. Naruto gasped. It felt so good he laid back and let it go to work.

After he'd had his share of multiple orgasms he reached down to pull it out but realized it was stuck. He yanked as hard as he could but the dildo stayed thrusting away. He quickly realized that no matter how embarassing, he needed help. Breathless and about to collapse, he threw on a cloak and made his way to Tsunade's office, making sure to keep to the shadows.

Kiba was coming home from a mission when he noticed the blond walking strangly. "Hey, Naruto! What's up?" He said. "It's there something wrong with you? You look all sweaty."

"N-nothing--ahhh!" Naruto moaned loudly after he was hit with another orgasm.

"Like I'm gonna believe nothings wrong." Kiba said. "You can tell me. We're friends, right?"

"Ukay...um...t-there's a voodoo dildo stuck...in my ass...and I can't get it out. I need help."

"Oh please. Like I'm gonna believe that." Kiba said. "Voodoo dildo my ass. Now tell me what's wro--ah!"

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**You don't wanna insult me...**

Naruto and Sasuke were hanging out at his house when the blond decided to take a showered. When he got out, Sasuke walked up and grabbed his butt. "You know, dobe. You should firm this up a bit." He said.

Naruto clenched his fists but ignored it. The next day when they were hanging out again and Naruto took another shower. When he got out again Sasuke touched his abs. "You should firm these up too."

This pissed the blond off and he decided to get his revenge. So when Sasuke took a shower and got out Naruto walked up to him and grabbed his prnis. "You know, teme you should make this a little bigger, then I wouln't have to use your brother."

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**So Flexible**

Kakashi: So...what_ did _Naruto put behind his ears to attract you?

Sasuke: His ankles.

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A/N: So that's it for this chapter. I wish I had more right now but nothing's coming to mind.

So, tell me what you think! I'll update agian soon, hopefully with more jokes. If anyone has any requests, fell free to tell me!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Man, it's been so long since I updated. I know you all must be pretty pissed about that, so I made this chapter longer (and maybe a little more dirty) and with more jokes just for you guys. Enjoy!

Warning: There will be hints of yaoi between some characters. Mostly SasuNaru. Major OOCness can't be helped.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and the jokes belong to whoever thought them up.

**Birthday Present**

Sasuke wished to purchase a gift for Naruto's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his older brother, he bought a pair of white gloves; Itachi purchased a pair of briefs for himself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and Itachi got the gloves and Sasuke got the underwear.

Without checking the contents first, Sasuke sealed his package and mailed it to Naruto along with this note:

Naruto,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for my brother, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but he wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,  
Sasuke

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

**Laundry?**

Naruto and Sasuke returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Wanna go upstairs and do it?" Sasuke asked.

"Shh!" said Naruto "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, Sasuke asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the Naruto who rolled over and fell asleep.

When he woke up however, he was feeling a little frisky heimelf and he nudged his husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said Sasuke. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

**Last Day On The Job**

It was the Sai's last day on the job after 5 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by Naruto in a revealing negligee.

Naruto took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where he blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where he fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied he poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As he was pouring, Sai noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," Naruto said, "last night, I told Sasuke that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck Sai, give him a dollar for all I care.'"

Naruto then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

**Love And Obey?**

Naruto accompanied Sasuke to the doctor's office. After his checkup, he doctor called Naruto into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs."

"Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, Sasuke asked, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," Naruto replied.

**You've Got Mail**

Naruto and Sasuke decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter.

The airlines had crazy frequent flyer rules, and the Naruto ended up on a flight the day after Sasuke.

Sasuke made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send Naruto an email.

Unfortunately, he didn't notice he had misspelled Naruto's email address.

Somewhere in the world, a young goldigger had just returned from the funeral of her elderly husband, who had died just a few days earlier.

She decided to check her email before leaving on vacation to spend up the money left to her because she was expecting to hear from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email, she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor.

The woman's friend rushed into the room and found her on the floor. She glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message:

'To My Beloved: I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.'

-Your Devoted Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

**Ancient Chinese Torture**

On day Sasuke was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.

He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said sasuke. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my grandson, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said Sasuke, thinking that the grandson must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the grandson came down the stairs(It's smexy Naru of course. Do you even have to ask?). He was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure.

He was obviously attracted to Sasuke since he couldn't keep his eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, Sasuke ignored him and went up to bed alone.

But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into Naruto's room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end.

Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

**Well played, Mom.**

Sasuke invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Naruto was.

She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.

She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between Naruto and Sasuke than met the eye.

Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, Sasuke said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Naruto and I are strictly roommates."

A few days later, Naruto went to Sasuke and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"

"I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied Sasuke.

Sasuke then sat down and sent his mother the following email: "Dear Mom, While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing. Love, Your son."

Several days later, he received a reply from his mother which read: "Dear Sasuke, While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Naruto, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with him, the fact remains that he would have found the gravy ladle by now if he were sleeping in his own bed. Love, Mom."

**Naruto's Revenge**

Naruto suspected Sasuke of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to Sasuke's apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, he opens the door and finds him in the arms of some one else.

Well, Naruto is angry, He pulls out the gun but as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head.

Sasuke yells "No, Naruto, don't do it!"

Naruto replies "Shut up, you're next."

**Three Wishes**

Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara are stuck on an island.

For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.

They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."

So Sasuke goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my life - I just want to go home."

POOF, he is gone.

Gaara makes his wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too."

POOF, he is gone.

Naruto starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "What is the matter?"

Naruto said, "I wish my friends were here."

**Damn Chair**

Sasuke invented a lie detecting chair.

Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.

During an experiment, Kiba sat in the chair and Sasuke asked him to tell about himself.

He began, "I think you are the best friend I've ever had."

The chair immediately dumped him on the floor.

After Kiba left in a snit, Naruto sat in the chair.

Sasuke asked him to tell something of his life.

He began, "I think -" The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the floor.

**Really Bad Day**

Sasuke was at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, Sai steps next to him, takes the drink from the him, and just drinks it all down. Sasuke starts crying. Sai says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find Naruto in bed with the some one else. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

**Need A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven**

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates when Sasuke showed up, "Tell me about the day you died."

Sasuke said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure Naruto was having an affair, so I came home early to catch him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find anyone. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found Lee hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the Sasuke in.

Then Lee showed up. He then asked him about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said Lee. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but then Sasuke came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the he dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?" he said to the third man in line, who turned out to be Sai.

"OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

**Temptation**

Naruto was happy. he and his boyfriend Sasuke had been dating for over a year, and so they decided to get married.

Their parents helped in every way and their friends encouraged them.

There was only one thing bothering him, very much indeed, and that one thing was Sasuke's older brother.

Itachi was twenty years of age, and constantly wore flattering jeans and low cut shirts. He would regularly bend down when quite near Naruto and he got many a pleasant view of the older Uchiha's ass. It had to be deliberate. He never did it when he was near anyone else.

One day Itachi called and asked Naruto to come over to check the wedding invitations. He was alone when the blond arrived. He whispered to him that soon he was to be married, and he had feelings and desires for him that he couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

He told Naruto that he wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to Sasuke. Naruto was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

Itachi said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." Naruto was stunned. He was frozen in shock as he watched him go up the stairs. When he reached the top he pulled down his boxers and threw them down the stairs at him.

Naruto stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. He opened the door and stepped out of the house, then walked straight towards his car.

His future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged Naruto and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our Sasuke. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

**Male Assertiveness**

Sasuke was tired of being bossed around by Naruto so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

Sasuke stormed into the house and walked up to Naruto.

Pointing a finger in his face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said Naruto.

**At The Sperm Bank  
**

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the Naruto, behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."

Naruto says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."

The gunman says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."

Naruto opens the safe, and the gunman he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."

After he opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the Naruto realizes the robber is Sasuke.

He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"

(Oh wow I still can't believe I put that one in...)

**Pharmacist**

Sasuke goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this guy for a while and he's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with his parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once he's had me, he'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." Sasuke makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with Naruto and his parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. Naruto leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

Sasuke leans over to him and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

**Stuck On You**

Itachi and naruto had just got married and spent their first wedding night with Itachi's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food. She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newly-weds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.

The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"

Sasuke said, "Mom, I think..."

"Oh, shush. I don't want to hear what you think!" said his mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from him.

At lunch time, she again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.

As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, Sasuke started to speak, but she immediately shut him up.

At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, their mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day.

Sasuke once again said, "Mom I think..."

"Well, what is it that you think?" she asked rather testily.

"I think that when Itachi came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead."

Okay I would put more but I'm tired as all hell and have work tomorrow. Sorry. So here's and extra character rant I'll start adding at the end of each chapter. (It's not really yaoi but I can so see Shikamaru saying this.)

Ino: So there's been some talk about why men die first. How do you feel about this?

Shikamaru: It's simple...

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the ratrace...you're a male chauvinist.

If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing lazy pr**k.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off your lazy ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her...that is favouritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet ..........it's male indifference.

If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.

If you don't .................you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements........you're full of sh*t.

If you're not ....................you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache............she's tired.

If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.

If you don't................there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

Well you all wanted an update so there you go. if anyone would like to request a pairing for one of the jokes in the next chapter, let me know in a review or pm.

Until next time...Ja ne!


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